14 Tips for Dating a FarmHER or RancHER

I don’t watch much TV. I especially don’t watch reality TV. My reality is enough for me! However, it has come to my attention that a popular reality TV dating show is featuring a farmer. I know this because I have seen multiple blog posts about what it is to date or marry a farmer. This is great, most of us need all the dating advice we can get. But it’s been just a whisper one-sided. Where are the blog posts about what it is like to date or marry a woman farmer or rancher? Since I am a woman rancher and I usually date non-farmers or ranchers, this is a topic I am especially familiar with, so I give you my list of advice.

1. Don’t be intimidated by us. Yes, we have an unique skill set, work ethic and a can-do attitude that can be daunting but there is nothing sexy about a man who is scared or threatened by a woman who is self-sufficient.

2. Working in agriculture is often a dirty, bloody, dusty, muddy, smelly job. Sometimes we like to be pretty and knock the poo off, take us out occasionally so we can wear our town boots and smell nice. Of course not during planting, harvest, calving or shipping season though.

3. We can castrate with our teeth. Enough said.

4. Our prefered topics of conversation will make you uncomfortable or grossed out for a while. Don’t worry, you’ll get used it and eventually like it. Example dinner topic at my house: “did you see that abscess on that cow finally popped?!? What was the scrotal circumference on the new bull?’

5. Don’t “little lady” us on our ranch. By that I mean don’t treat us any differently than you a man doing our job. Not only is it incredibly insulting, it can get someone hurt. We know our job and how to safely do it. You do not.

6. We cuss like well-educated sailors. It’s a result of being “little ladied”. For example, if it comes between dropping an “F” bomb to get your attention, or watching you get mucked-out by a mad mama cow because you were trying to do my job, I’ll let loose a string of expletives that would make a trucker blush.

We love our animals.

We love our animals.

7. The farm and animals will always come first. Often, our ranch is the work of generations of our family’s blood, sweat and tears – we know this is a legacy that we cannot lose. Respect that, even offer to lend a hand (even if you just bring us dinner to the tractor or field). Bonus points if it’s during our busy season.

8. Sometimes we won’t be able to take that romantic getaway or attend that wedding with you or even go on that date, our schedules are not like our non-farming counterparts. The animals don’t care if you have plans and the harvest can’t wait. Give us lots of notice for events and forgive us if we cancel on you – our whole season’s work might be in jeopardy.

9. A clean house may not always be our top priority, but we can cook better than your Mom, probably your Grandma too. And, extra bonus? Our deep freezers often contain more beef, pork, lamb and wild game than you ever imagined!

10. We can hunt and fish. And own excellent places to do that. We also clean and gut our own game, yours too, if you compliment us enough.

So handy!

So handy!

11. We are damn handy to have around. Most of us possess a plethora of skills honed over our lifetime of manual labor on the ranch. Need some welding done? Maybe some plumbing? Have some heavy equipment you need operated?  Maybe your pet needs some vaccinations? Let us know, we’ll take care of it.

12. We are confident and fearless. We rarely take shit from anyone. If you make us mad, you will know about it. We work with animals and equipment that are much larger than you and not as reasonable, everyday, all day.

13. We can breed, plant, assist with birth, raise, harvest and slaughter our own food. We are connected to agriculture in almost a spiritual way. If you spend any amount of time with us, you will learn more about agriculture than you ever thought possible and start to love it as much as us.

14. If you love us, you will love our life. It just comes with the territory. Farming and ranching is not always easy, pretty, fun or comfortable, but it is one of the most rewarding ways of life ever. If you are lucky enough to date a farmher or rancher, told on tight, we are worth it.

Don’t believe me? Here is some more advice!


Filed under Ag, agriculture, animals, Humor, Know a California Farmer, Ranch life, Rants, Uncategorized

11 Responses to 14 Tips for Dating a FarmHER or RancHER

  1. This is great!! Love it!!

  2. Great post – enjoyed reading it and thank you for the link to mine too 🙂

    Nice to get to know you online – fellow farmer 🙂

  3. Love your post –from a farmHer in IL

  4. I’m a (single) female apple orchardist and this is SO TRANSLATABLE! Well done! Thank you for writing this post.

  5. Marc

    In my experience, your description fits ranchhers better than farmhers. And that’s not to criticize. But there are some big differences in the blessings and burdens that go along with each.

    In the few chances I’ve had, I haven’t yet found a poultrywoman or produce farmher who even has a chest freezer, much less one that’s stocked. And each has been fearless about everything EXCEPT… In one case it was rattlers, and in the other case it was venomous spiders.

    Nothing wrong with that, but I think crop farming is a little more forgiving than raising livestock. It’s just not that hard to keep the grapes and cauliflower from jumping the fence.

  6. H

    The writer is a bit tougher than I am, but I’m working on it!

    I am thankful to have my calendar for the year planned around the agriculture tasks of my ranch as a foundation of how I will spend my time. This is a preferable alternative to me than having the void of nothing much to occupy oneself with than be at the mercy of the whims of society to wait for a text to go out to eat, watch tv, etc. in an endless string of mostly meaningless entertainment events to fill time regardless of whom it is with. I am not bored and on the hunt to be occupied with entertainment regardless of who with. Instead, I feel grounded in that I have more to do than I will ever get done and any time I break away to spend with someone is meaningful as it’s not because I am bored, I actually want to be around that person regardless of the entertainment venue; otherwise I would find some reason to go check on the cows again!

  7. Pingback: 9 Tips for Dating a FarmHer or RancHer Part II - Messy Kennedy

  8. Love your post thanks a lot for sharing

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