Growing up, I heard a million “cowboyisms”. I wish I would have started writing them down sooner. I’ll probably add to this list as I go, and feel free to leave a comment if you have some good ones!


Slicker than two snails f*cking in a bucket of snot.

Don’t squat with your spurs on.

When you’re throwin’ your weight around, be ready to have it thrown around by somebody else.

Tougher than a $2 steak.

Working him like a borrowed mule.

If all his brains were dynamite, there wouldn’t be enough to blow his nose.

‘sucking the hind tit’

Colder than a witch’s tit in January.

It don’t take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.

Happy as a pig in shit.

Does Howdy Doody have wooden balls?

If you get to thinking you’re a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else’s dog around.

Timing has a lot to do with the success of a rain dance.

“Farming is as much as my life as is breathing”. – Blake Hurst

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

Speak your mind, but ride a fast horse.

If ya don’t know a where’s you’re a goin, it’d be a good idea not to use your spurs.

Life is hard, but it’s harder when you’re stupid. – John Wayne

If you ain’t making dust you’re eating it!

There’s more to being a cowboy than just wearing the boots.

Don’t be a woman that needs a man, be the woman a man needs.

Don’t spit into the wind.

When the mule realizes that he’s being pushed, expect to be kicked.

More hat than cowboy.

Whoever said a horse was dumb, was dumb.

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back into your pocket.


Filed under Ag, Humor

9 Responses to Cowboyisms

  1. Jenny Dewey

    Just read these to my coworkers. Thank you for some good laughs today! So many of these are so true, still!

  2. Todd Eggerling

    After reading this reminded me of a past working experience where the owners favorite phrase was “$hit or get off the pot”. Take care and keep writing.

  3. Your dad said once “I’ll have to strap on a tin bill and go eat with the chickens” …I laughed so hard picturing him with a tin bill on…he said Fletcher used to say that when they were broke. Thanks for the laughs. Keep them up.

  4. Nate

    Does a one legged duck swim in a circle?

    Always leave a gate the way you find it.

  5. Jeff


    You can put yer boots in the over, but that don’t make ’em biscuits.

  6. Fuzzy

    There is an old writer/humorist by the name of Lewis Grizzard that had a couple funny book titles that I have always smiled at….

    “Don’t bend over in the garden grannie, those taters have eyes”
    “Shoot low boys, they’re riding Shetland ponies”
    The best I like though since I grew up on a farm… “don’t badmouth the farmer with your mouth full” have a great day Megan…

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